Flying Home!

Usually if someone asks me how my flight was, I have something to say.  Weather delayed things, some plane troubles delayed things, whatever.  But this time I actually got to my destination on time.  Nothing unusual happened, which is maybe why I was more attuned to the things that were usual.

I assume because I don't assign myself a seat when I buy my plane tickets, I am always in the last group to board the plane, which gives me no incentive to change now.  Who wants to board first?  I like boarding last.  I can take more time to get my suitcase in the overhead compartment without people waiting behind me.  I don't have to deal with people crawling over me to get in their seats.  And nobody wants to sit on that plane any longer than they have to, right?  I think that's evident when everyone immediately stands as soon as the plane arrives.  If I was in first class, I would still board last.  I don't care how comfortable those seats are.

Soon after I am the last to board, the flight attendants begin their safety instructions.  I always feel bad at this point.  No one is paying attention to them, but I feel like I should pay attention just to be polite, even though I've heard it plenty of times.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out how to fasten the seat belt after all.  But then they start talking about how slides will inflight on the sides of the plane in case we need to evacuate.  Pull on the straps to tighten your air masks.  You can use your seat as a flotation device.  Can we all just stop for a moment to imagine the situation we'd be in if we actually needed to know this?  Instead everyone's playing Fruit Ninja and reading those flight magazines.  What if something happened and we actually went down?  I wouldn't want to be the panicking fool who, while the plane is diving into the ocean, yells, "Did they say we have a flotation device?  Where?!"  Wouldn't it be frustrating to be a flight attendant in a situation like that?  You'd want to save your own life, but you wouldn't want all these people who seemed to know everything an hour ago while you were giving instruction to suffocate because they can't figure out how to tighten their air masks.  Why don't you consult your ipad for the answer now, pal?

But of course, nothing like that happened.  We landed safely and our pilot says, "I hope you enjoyed your flight."  Does anyone ever enjoy a flight?  I mean, maybe the first time you fly it can be kind of exciting.  But I still don't hear anyone complaining, "Awww, we're down already?  Let's do it again!"  I think a more realistic phrase to say would be, "I hope you tolerated your flight today.  I hope you didn't throw up or lock yourself in the bathroom.  I hope your neighbors were friendly and the free orange juice met your standards.  I hope you will tolerate us again in the future."

Not like I have much of a choice.  To this day, every airline I've taken for national flights is exactly the same.  There's not much space.  The food is really expensive.  Meh.  I flew on Sun Country this time for a change (because it was the cheapest) and they had these cool ipad things with movies and games you could borrow.  I thought they were free for a second, but of course they weren't.  Dang it Sun Country, you almost beat the competition.  Honestly, I don't think it would be that hard to one-up your competition in this field.  You offer real free food, I'm sold.  Hand out FREE cool ipad things, I'm there.  I probably wouldn't pay extra for a ticket, but that's just me.  I would definitely pick you over whoever else if two flights were the same price though. 

In the end, I made it back in Minnesota!  It sure is nice to have people agree with me that it's hot and bright outside.  I guess by people I mean my sister Cindy.  These last two days I have been constantly amused that what she says out-loud coincides with what I'm thinking most of the time.  We both are equally excited about her giant colorful caterpillar named Leonerd and her quacking duck named Howie.  We go to Kohls and have the same sense of what's nice and what's ugly.  Being with family makes me feel normal again.  It's quite refreshing.