I always wanted to start a blog, but I never felt like I had a reason to. I still don't feel that I don't, probably because as a recent graduate in English with an emphasis in writing, I have a terrible fear of being ignored. What's the point of writing something if no one will read it? Well, I have learned there are all sorts of reasons since writing is my way of thinking and my way of keeping track of myself. I've learned that there's no purpose in writing to please others, since I don't know what other people are looking for. If I write to please others, I will please no one. If I write to please myself, I'm always surprised at the number of positive responses.
So here goes blog number one!
I think the reason I feel that I still have no reason to write a blog is because I don't feel like what I'm doing in this stage of my life is a big deal. To be clear, in two days I will be flying to Montana to begin training with Reach Youth Ministry, a Catholic organization that encourages high schoolers and middles schoolers in their faith through retreats and other events. I've been asked all sorts of questions such as where I'll actually be living and what I'll actually be doing there. I consider this information minor detail, which is probably part of the reason why people have called my adventure to Montana (or Washington, or wherever) "brave."
Wow. I don't think I've ever been called "brave" before. The first few times I was called that, I understood where people were coming from. I'm leaving town for awhile not knowing much. That could be seen as scary. But to this day I have yet to be concerned about much of anything dealing with Reach. I know I'm going to miss my family and friends, but I'll be back in Christmas, so you know... I'll be fine. I know I'm going to meet a lot of awesome people, so really, I'm a lot more excited than concerned. What I'm most concerned about at this point is navigating the airport, and quite honestly, I hold that concern only because I feel that I should be concerned about something.
For a few days, after I had heard the word "brave" one too many times, I started to be concerned about my whole adventure with Reach. Should I be more concerned than I am? Am I missing something?
I recently spoke with my sister on this matter. I was concerned about whether or not I was concerned enough about the next step in my life. What she had to say instantly set me comfortably back into little-concern mode, which I thoroughly enjoy.
Basically she explained to me that God gives us the grace to do the things he asks of us. In other words, if it is truly God's will for me to be with Reach, He's not going to make my life miserable or make me concerned about certain matters, trivial or significant. That's Satan's doing. Yes, there's going to be challenges, some I expect and some that I don't, but God is always going to bring me through them, even if I can't see His path for me at the time. I just have to trust in Him and not make up things with which to concern myself.
Since God seems to have blessed me with the grace for living far from home and working with the youth, let me tell you what I do NOT currently have the grace for.
Those things people call "real jobs."
I've been thanked a lot for my willingness to work with Reach, and I always feel a little weird saying "you're welcome" to those words. I'm postponing the inevitable of making my own money and paying off my college loans because yes, I do want to help the youth and spread the Word, but there is a part of my that thinks, "Yes! I don't have to deal with the inevitable for another year!"
To those who have called me "brave," thank you. I will do my best with Reach. Know that you are surely doing things in your life that I currently don't have the grace for. Thank you for your support, prayers, and all those things you do to further God's kingdom, big or small.
